Another Elevator Scandal: The Situation That is Ray Rice

Ray Rice along with wife, Janay and daughter.
**Photo by Google

For days, it has been a national story. No matter which channel you come across or what radio station you tune into, you are bound to hear something about the incident involving Ray Rice and his wife, Janay. Yes, the incident in the video is seven months old, but the general public (with the exception of a few) got its first glimpse of the full video a few days ago via TMZ. How they manage to ALWAYS get their hands on footage, we will never know. The video created an uproar and mixed views were expressed. Initially when I saw it, I was ready to crucify him because we all know how easy it is to judge someone else's situation. However, when I calmed down, though I still felt very strongly about the situation, I began to put other factors into perspective, looking at every POV from every angle. I'll address three points.

1. Feelings about the video:  When I first saw the video, I was beyond disgusted, appalled, and shocked. I had not seen anyone knocked out cold before. I didn't watch the Mayweather and Pacquiao fight that time, so this was new to me. Unacceptable. Even more fuel was added to an already blazing fire after seeing his lack of remorse after he hit her, and she dropped like a fly. Ray stood there and did nothing. He very well could have taken out his phone to play Temple Run. That's how unfazed he seemed at seeing his then fiancé lying in a lifeless state. And then to drag her out of the elevator like a cheap rag doll was even more shocking. Under no circumstances should a man ever hit a woman. I do not care if you are on the freeway, and you are "provoked." Pull your Buick LeSabre over and get out. Walk away, blow off steam. Remove yourself from the situation. Think before you act. Yes, that is easier said than done, as we have all found ourselves in tough situations. It takes a great deal of will power to walk away from certain situations, and it's still something that many of us have yet to master. However, don't do something now that you will come to regret later.

2. Ray Rice's Suspension: Though Rice's actions were inexcusable and unacceptable, I do not agree with suspending him indefinitely. Before the video was shown to the public, the NFL announced its new domestic violence policy. (Click here for more.) First offense would result in a six-game suspension without pay and a lifetime ban for a second offense. If that is policy, stick with that. That is the purpose of having a policy in the first place. Do not be swayed by public opinion or media. Take the scrutiny. Deal with the mess. Don't take the route that's easiest for you. We can speculate all day on whether this was his first time hitting her. No one knows, but this is his first documented offense. Yes, you can argue that he's not "banned," but it's hard to imagine a team picking him up after this. His image in tarnished, and he is damaged goods. You know it's serious when the Canadian Football League will not even take you. He has lost endorsements and who knows what else. At the end of the day, he still has a family to provide for, and as a person who is passionate about her career, it's hard to imagine the pain I would feel in knowing that I probably would never again be able to do what it was that I loved to do. I wouldn't wish that on anybody, not even Ray Rice. I am in no way taking his side, but I do believe in being fair.

3. Janay Rice: We all know of or have heard to situations like this. In most cases, the woman stands by her man no matter what. As expected, that is exactly what Janay is doing. Yesterday, she took to Instagram to express her feelings. Among her feelings of support, she also shares how they will continue to show the world what real love is... I may not know exactly what Mary J. Blige was singing about in "Real Love," but I do not think that was it. One hit is one hit too many in my book. I have never been able to fathom how one can equate black eyes, bruises, etc. as love. If that is "real love," I do not want it. Love may be blind, but I will not be. Though I do not understand, as a woman, I do sympathize for her because I do not think any woman should ever be hit, let alone knocked out. I do not care how upset you are, it should never come to that point. However, you cannot tell an adult what to do. We all have one life to live and can choose to live it how we see fit. If they have agreed to work through it, kudos to them. Because after this bubbles down, and everyone shifts their focus to the next issue that will take the headlines, the Rices still have to live with the aftermath of the situation. I cannot imagine how this has affected them as a family, and I wish nothing but the best for them all.

Janay Rice's statement to media via Instagram.

Don't Be So Blind That You Forget to See The Signs

It's 6:49 am, and I roll over to my phone. Awoken from the most pleasant slumber, just as Idris Elba and I were about to head into a cabana! I open my messages to an unfamiliar number asking about a fiance. Wait. Let me wipe the sleep out of my eyes, grab the bifocals from the side table, and read it again. This time correctly. Because maybe this person meant to say FINANCE. This is clearly a money question. Shake it off, and read. No, no, it said FIANCE! I almost broke my little wooden bed at how fast I popped up. So, now I'm just sitting there with the dumbest look on my face wondering who in my contacts has a fiance, let alone one that I've had communication with lately! My phone rings, and little did I know, I was answering the call that would confirm a feeling that I had all along.

Hours, text messages, and phone calls later, the young lady insists that I get on the call. I could have sworn that I was back on the grounds of East Flora Middle! I told her for her peace of mind, I would speak to both. I convinced myself that I would handle this call with the utmost class! Yeah, that lasted all of two seconds. Here I am in this very distinguished neighborhood, talking like I'm on a scene in New Jack City, thinking of phrases I didn't even know I had in me! They are just shooting out, and I'm ducking all under trees trying my best to prevent these fine folk from hearing such unpleasantness! (I tell people all the time, please don't let the proper grammar and nice smile fool you.) BUT in the midst of this madness, I remembered one thing, if only I had paid attention to the signs. 

The signs are always there. I don't care who the person is. If someone is not the person for you, there are always little red flags along the way. I was bombarded with all sorts of red flags, but I chose to ignore them. Signs don't always have to be loud and in your face. They may be subtle, but they are present. It may be something as simple as a phone call. Joe Frank always promises to call you, but he never does. You're probably still waiting on that call. SIGN! Lucy Bell always has an excuse as to why she never texts you back. SIGN! Pay attention to all of those things. Does this person stick to his/her word? Listen. Be present. Pay attention. Don't be so caught up in pure bliss, already planning the future when you haven't even had a clear take off for the present. Everyone gets that gut feeling. For women, it's women's intuition, but everybody has that thing inside of them that goes off when something isn't right. It's like a little tap on the shoulder, but you brush that off. Ok, so now you get a nudge, a little harder than the tap. After a while, something is like look, let me just headbutt this goofball because he/she is still not getting the picture. This is what puts everything in perspective, and you have that, "Ohhh, I should have known!" moment. Even though you knew something wasn't right all along. Instead, you chose to see what you wanted to see rather than what was. Yes, some people are really good actors, but they can only put on an act for so long. The real person will begin to surface, and true colors will begin to show. One of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou is, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Don't wait until the 50th time and then have an epiphany. If they are showing you that they cannot be trusted, why would you trust them the next time?  "Well you know Betty, I think Joe might be a habitual liar." "Man, I think Josephine might be crazy!" Why, yes sweetheart, and that was evident 49 times ago. People show you who they are EVERY single day.. in their actions, what they say, how they treat people, etc. It's up to you to see the person in front of you, not who the person could be or what you want them to be. Step out of your bliss, lust, or whatever it is that you are feeling. As I said before, the signs are always there. The question is, will you pay attention or will you continue to ignore?

Can't Make 'Em See That You're Worth It

You can't make someone want you. You simply can't. It doesn't matter what you say or do, if they don't feel the same, it's just not happening. I don't care if you turn into a wordsmith like Shakespeare or Maya Angelou and spit all your best lines, it won't work. You can be as smart as Einstein, pretty as Zoe Saldana, fine as Idris Elba (wait a minute, this might work), as caring as the Dalai Lama, or as passionate as a dancer who has rent due, all that matters not if the person just does not feel the same way about you.

This is something that a lot of people struggle with at some point or another: trying to get someone to see how great of a person they are. You have all of these damn good qualities, yet can't understand why the person you are most interested in can't see that pool of awesomeness in front of them. Oh, but Lucille and Larry see it. You just don't want them. I get it. So, instead you go out of your way to do thoughtful stuff, like send those nice GM/GN texts (but get no response), invite out to dinner (get shut all the way down), buy those Zaxby's plates with extra sauces (not in your budget), or wire that gas money ($20 account balance) all for that one person who doesn't even care or appreciate what you're doing.

Yet, you do those nice things in hopes that the person will see how great of a person you are and how much you care. You very well may be a great person with outstanding qualities, but what you have to realize is that you can't make someone see that you're worth their time, energy, etc. If the person isn't interested, cool, he/she just isn't interested. Accept that and keep it moving. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. It just means that's not the person for you, and that is ok. Don't be out there making a fool of yourself, trying to make somebody fall for you. Stop giving your love, attention, time, etc. to people who don't want it or appreciate it, and then get upset when it's not reciprocated. Instead of getting upset at the lack of reciprocation, ask yourself why you continuously try to force something that's not meant to happen. Relationships shouldn't be forced. Care about yourself enough to walk away. Stop looking to others for validation. Realize all that you have to offer, and know that you'll be great for somebody else. Yeah, it may pinch you pride a little to know that Jethro or Pollie doesn't want you, but that too shall pass. And should you REALLY become down, always remember June from Honey Boo Boo. She has Sugar Bear......

There's hope. (June and Sugar Bear)
Photo Cred: Splash

Now that this has sunk in, remember that there is somebody for everybody. You shouldn't have to chase, convince, or beg a person to be with you. If you have to do that, more than likely, that is NOT the person for you. Stop trying to lift mountains for people who won't even lift a finger for you. If someone doesn't appreciate the effort you are putting forth, take you and your effort elsewhere. Eventually, you will find someone who appreciates and wants you just as much as you want them. That, my friends, is something worth waiting for.

"I can only show you something real. I can't make you appreciate it." - Unknown