One Piece. Two Piece. Don't You Be the "One On the Side" Piece.

Now, I was taking my time writing this post, but after last night's episode of Love and Hip Hop New York, I had to speed up the process! See, now what we have here is a sensitive issue, but it needs to be said. You know why? I'll tell you why, because too many people are ok with being second. That, my friends, is a problem because there are too many people in the world to be snuggled up under somebody else's man or woman getting all cozy. God will never give you someone else's man or woman. So, while you're waiting for that person to have that AHA! moment and realize that you're too great to be a side piece, you might be waiting for something that will never happen. Men and women can both be "side pieces". One group just happens to go about it more clever than the other. So, throughout the post if I refer to women more than men, know that it is because it's most common. (Or at least it's thought to be because more men get caught.)

I believe that a woman plays side chick because she does not know her worth and doesn't feel that she deserves better. If she knew how good of a woman she was and all that she deserved, there is absolutely no way she would accept coming second to anybody. It would be her and only her. Let me just break it down and tell you that the guy RARELY ever leaves his woman. He can tell you all day that his girl is getting on his nerves and he's going to leave her, but he isn't. He's not waiting on the "right time". What exactly is the "right time"? Jesus's return? Wake up. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be. I'm pretty sure he is not being forced against his will to stay. He is an adult. He can do as he chooses. As long as you continue to accept being the side chick, that is all you will ever be. In the very moment you agree to being that side chick, you're saying in so many ways that you don't value yourself. When in actuality, you are worth so much more. Of course Johnny Jack could care less because he's getting everything he wants. He's just milking you dry, honey. Then, after he's done toying with you, he'll be on to the next chick, just trucking along. Then, there you are, looking crazy and still don't have a man! Yet, you're all in the club trying to fight the girlfriend when you're the one messing around with her man. Don't get mad at her because she's with the guy you want to be with. You knew what was up when you first started messing with that guy. So, why are you mad? You thought something would change or nah?

But oh wait now, let's say he did end up leaving his girl and got with you. Keep in mind how you got him. Karma is truly something serious. You'll just be living your little life and then up pops Karma like, "Oh you thought I forgot, didn't you?". You can't scheme and plot to get someone and expect it to be cupcakes and Twizzlers. As mentioned before, God will never give you someone else's man or woman. If you have to creep around with someone who's already taken then I'm going to take a wild guess and say that maybe that is not the person for you. We all play the fool sometimes, but we can't keep playing the fool. You can't create the storm and then get mad when it rains.

And now for the "main chicks". Of course I am not referring to those who have no clue that their mate is being unfaithful. I mean how can you be blamed for Bo's infidelity when you have no knowledge of it? I am speaking of those who know all about those extra pieces Bo has on the side! It's as evident and Donald Trump's hairpiece. You can think of a few girls off top that your dude "messes" with, but that doesn't matter as long as he's in your bed most nights and you have the "official" title. If you knew your value and worth, you would not accept being cheated on. Instead of being single, you would rather be with a guy who cheats on you because in your eyes, that's better than being alone. So you compromise your self worth, happiness, and so much more for a guy who doesn't seem to give a flying hoot about you. You can call the next woman desperate, thirsty, etc., but what are you? Are you not desperate to continue chasing a guy who is clearly out there chasing tail from here to Zimbabwe? You are putting up with any and everything just to say you "have" somebody. You and that side chick aren't too different, sugar plum. The only difference is that you may get a little more time with her and a few perks, but nowadays it's hard to tell one from the other! You can argue all day that you have his heart and that he really cares about you, but just how much of yourself are you willing to compromise on his behalf? Here you are turning your nose up at the chicks who mess with your "man", but he gets off scotch free. You are ready to confront the woman  but not your ''man". You see nothing wrong with that picture? You both might as well sit down and work out who will see him on what day and so forth. You get him Monday -Thursday, and she takes over on the weekend. Does that work for you?

At the end of the day, as messed up as it is, that woman owes you nothing. The person you need to check is your dude because he clearly has no respect for your "relationship". If he did, he wouldn't be putting you through this and making you look like a fool. So while you're all proud of being the main, saying that other women need to learn their place, apparently they have found that place: under the guy who is supposed to be yours. You are not in first place. There is no place for being main. There is no place for being side. You think you are winning a race that's not even being run. He's the black mamba, and you two are merely rats in his little game.

For you dudes, if you know that you cannot be faithful, then maybe you don't need to be in a relationship. If you feel that you have to have a "side piece" then maybe you need to be a single piece. That way you can do whatever you like to whomever you like! If you know that you are not ready for a committed relationship, leave it alone. Your immature actions are not worth the hurt that will be caused. How can you say you love your girl and don't want to hurt her, yet you're doing the very thing that you know will hurt her? You say, "I love my girl, but I just have to cheat." No, you don't actually.  Being faithful is a choice. A mature choice. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but to continue to make the same mistake is a blatant disregard for your partner's feelings, and remember that not all chicks are the same. Toying with a woman's emotions is a very dangerous game. You don't want to mess around and come across a Lorena Bobbitt and end up losing more than a relationship.

So, for every main, side, or anything other than the only, you have to realize your value. What you allow will continue. You deserve to be with someone who sees your worth, but if you don't love and respect yourself enough to see it, you can't expect others to.

Do You Misconceive the Weave?

Weave. No weave. Makeup. No makeup. Does it really matter?

If a lady wants to wear so much weave to the point where she can only tilt her head to one side, so be it.  That's her choice. Unless you're shelling out the $150+ per bundle or whatever she pays at the hair store, have several seats. It does not matter if she has hair that resembles Flava Flav or Smeagol  underneath that weave. She can choose to do whatever she wants with her hair. I mean if her wearing weave is taking money out of your check, gas out of your car, or days off of your life in ANY way, then, by all means, let her know so she can change a few things! 

"Only people who don't have hair wear weave." 

"If you wear weave, you must be ashamed of your real hair."

It makes my tracks want to shift and loosen when I see people comment on things they know nothing about. Just because a person wears a weave does not mean that they are bald or ashamed of their real hair. This is a common misconception. Granted there are some who may have misplaced their edges or over-processed a bit too much and now have hair as thin as 1-ply toilet tissue, but that is NOT the case for everyone. Some just like the way it looks, the versatility of it, and the extra length. If a person wants to add a bag or two, or a bundle or five, what's wrong with that? All women are beautiful in their own way, and if they want to enhance their looks, or just try something new, they should. That same goes for makeup. Just because someone wears it does NOT mean that they are unattractive or ashamed of how they look. Apply that concealer, baby! Apply it if that's what you like. Smooth those dark circles and make them disappear! You need not justify it. Do what makes you happy.  (Just be sure to take care of your natural hair and your skin in the process, of course!)

I heard this one girl say to her friend one day, "Oh, Patty Mae is nothing without that weave and makeup." I looked over at this young lady who was barefaced and weave-less with much resemblance to someone in the pioneer days. I thought to myself, well a little splash of color on those pale cheeks, a little concealer under those eyes to hide those bags wouldn't do you any harm, but hey, different strokes for different folks. Point is, don't down play what someone else does because you don't like it. Or is there perhaps a deeper issue? Does Patty Mae's flawlessly made up face and hair laid for the gods make you feel some type of way? Hmmm.. Because you can't be THAT upset about a weave. At the end of the day if makeup or weave makes a person feel more beautiful or helps with confidence, who are you to say they shouldn't?!

The point I'm trying to make is this. What people choose to do with their physical appearance is their business. If you choose to wear your natural hair and no makeup, that is great. You rock that fro!  If you want to wear weave or makeup, that's great too. Keep that weave silky! And for you dudes, if you prefer to date girls who don't wear weave or makeup, do that, but don't talk about the young lady who chooses to do so. You're walking around saying "my girl needs to be natural" this, and "girls with weaves" that, when you're walking around looking like a younger version of Sam Cassell with things you need to take care of about your own appearance! Let's all just worry about ourselves and let others do what they want with their appearance. 

Tyra Banks (top); Mila Kunis (bottom)

Kim Kardashian (top); Katie Holmes (bottom)

Actress Joy Bryant without makeup and still beautiful. 

Nicki Minaj's natural hair to the left. 

It's ok to wear that weave but please make sure you take care
of your hair because this could be you! 

A Slave to Potential and UOENO It

"Girl, I am so tired of Joe! I am done this time. For real!"

"Man, I'm done with Brenda. She's too crazy."

Yeah you're done alright...This week.

I'm pretty sure we've all heard someone say this before...more than once. Heck, you have probably said it yourself a time or 10! Time and time again you or someone you know constantly goes back and forth with somebody. A person can have a million and eighteen reasons to leave, but if they can think of one reason to stay, they will. Why is that? I think it has a lot to do with potential, and that potential can cause someone to hold on to something that he/she really needs to let go.

Potential causes one to think about what could be. Sometimes we see people for who they can be rather than who they are now. I mean  the person doesn't have a whole lot going for themselves right now, but they have potential! Ehh, potential is great. Don't get me wrong. But potential is just that, potential. Qualities that MAY be developed and lead to future usefulness. It's not definite  It's not set in stone. Eight years have passed by and you're still sitting there talking about, "Yeah, Bobby/ Barbara Jean just has so much potential." I mean, we get that, but just how long are you willing to wait until Bobby/Barbara Jean taps into this potential?

You have to know when to let go. Take something for what it is and move on. Don't let the thought of who a person COULD be in the future distract you from who they are now. AND don't let that potential you see have you thinking you can change a person! This is where people go wrong. You can't make anybody change. If you see how a person is before you get with him/her, don't go whining and complaining after you get with them. I mean, you saw how this person was from the jump! You knew Joey liked to smoke and chill with his homies all day. So, you get with him and then complain about him smoking and chilling with his buds all day. "Girl, all Joey do is sit around and smoke." Uhh, Brenda, Joey was doing that when you met him in '96! Either you get with someone and accept them as they are or carry on about your business and move to the next. Just a tip, the people who end up changing people never go in thinking that they can or will. They simply accept the person as he or she is, and that alone makes the other person want to do better. Take Nick and Mariah for instance. He said being with her made him want to become a better man. She didn't try to change him. So, stop thinking you can change a person. If you don't like a lot of the things they do now, don't get with them expecting them to do a 180. You just keep chugging along!

So, don't you be a slave to "potential" clinging to someone you need to let go of or wasting time trying to change somebody! Just keep it moving! Don't let this be you!

Don't let this be you! (Photo:Google)